So the other day I was watching Law & Order with my mom and I got the greatest idea. I'm thinking about bringing a law suit against my parents. Here are my closing arguments; tell me what you think:
I am not sure when parents started torturing kids, but it's wrong and I don't like it. Besides, I think it's against the Geneva Convention. Here are the facts: pretty much every day, my mom insists on putting me into this seat and literally strapping me to it (see photo, marked Baby People's Exhibit A). Yeah, I know I'm not crying in the picture. They will do anything to prove their innocence, up to and including manipulating the evidence to make it appear that I only "sleep" in the car seat. In their testimony, they say that I'm just fine and that it's all for my own good, and I'm like "I object! That is totally hearsay." How can anyone expect kids not to put up a fuss? I mean, Holy Habeas Corpus. I can't move. She isn't holding me. I'm not eating. It's pure torture. How can she do this to me and complain when I get upset? Because naturally, after my mom puts me into this contraption, I express my frustration quite vocally. I usually do this the entire time she insists on inflicting this torture upon me. I mean nothing I say can be used against me anyway because I have never been properly Mirandized. Even after she gives in and takes me out of the seat, I like to make my point clear. So I keep crying. I hope that she will think twice the next time she wants to put me into that seat. But that never seems to work. She keeps doing it. (See photos below, marked Baby People's Exhibits B and C.) I vow that I will increasingly express my dislike of this practice to my parents. I ask the jury to find them guilty and outlaw this barbaric practice of torturing babies.
The Baby People rest.
(I mean like literally. I've been awake for about ten minutes now and I'm freakin' exhausted.)
3 comments:
Annie, just wait until you're almost EIGHT (ask Jane about her great experience with this) and your parents still insist that you have to be buckled into some kind of harness and so-called booster seat and then they use the very silly, but will-hold-up in court argument, that its the LAW! Ridiculous, I know, but just you wait. It'll continue on and on for years!
Annie I'm totally on your side!! It's unfair and totally rude that they strap you down like you're an animal or something. My suggestion is that you punish them by giving them the silent treatment. If they try to make conversation with you don't even respond. That'll totally influence their decision about strapping you in the torture chair again. If you ever want someone to agree with you no matter what the issue is call your auntie b! I'll always take your side!
You should grow up to be lawyer! Very eloquent.
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